Coaching for Confidence

My work with senior executives often involves some focus on issues of self-confidence. Most frequently this seems to occur in my women clients but also some men. These individuals hold senior roles (MD’s, NHS department heads, senior police women, executive directors), heading up large teams and are recognised as major contributors to their organisations.

This lack of self belief has been termed ‘Imposter syndrome’ (e.g. Petruska Clarkson, Valerie Young) and encompasses that mind set of waiting to be ‘found out’; constantly anticipating the tap on the shoulder that confirms that sense of being a fraud, of winging it, of fooling everyone. This is a genuine internal self doubt which others generally do not perceive. Indeed if they did, they might be astounded and then rather frustrated! Others observe someone capable and confident who has no right to be questioning their effectiveness.

What has been striking is that when I have started to discuss and explore the issue with clients using some of the terms above (‘tap on the shoulder’ etc.) – describing what it might feel like – with many clients there is a real sense of recognition ‘yes that is what it feels like to be me’. I have had clients become quite distressed or emotional that their fear of being found out has effectively found a voice. This articulation seems to then allow them to expand and personalise the experience and really have permission to admit to inner most fears. Once they are admitted, we can address them.

It seems that such clients often have a sense that failure is deserved rather than a part of progress. Feedback from others is passively received rather than challenged, and is generally felt to be both justified and a confirmation of the failings the individual already recognises. Clients often reflect on their observation of others who have a real core of self belief; those who seem to be able to get ‘hiccups’ into perspective and move swiftly on.

So how can we support individuals to actively move away from these behaviours and lack of self-belief? One simple exercise that I have found to be very effective is to encourage clients to avoid saying ‘I think that I can...’, ‘I hope that others will say I am...’ and start to talk much more in the affirmative. ‘I am the right person to do this job’, ‘I can effect this change’, and ‘I will make this happen next week’.

Imposter syndrome can also be usefully reframed resulting in a focus on others rather than ourselves. By continuing to indulge our own self doubt and look internally to our own perceived failings rather than externally to the needs and requirements of our client/ team member/boss, we create a barrier to our mission to be the best coach/manager/leader that we can possibly be.

This is not to say that we should not challenge ourselves and continually question what is effective and what not. Actually this self challenge is, I believe, what makes a good leader and a great coach. However real self doubt that can get in the way of effective leadership and effective working is not useful to anyone – client or team - particularly when it detracts from our focus on others rather than ourselves.

And to leave you with one last tip when you are feeling uncertain about something:

Ask yourself the question ‘what is the worst that could happen if I ......?’ The answer should really put things into perspective and allow you to move forward.

Kathy Denton – Coach at QED Consulting